Author: Devlin Murphy

Thinking Thoughts

By Devlin Murphy

I got to thinking like I usually do and contemplated the meaning of life, again. Perhaps there is no meaning. What if the meaning of life is just that, life. You are alive at this time (assuming your alive if you are reading this). That’s it. Higher purpose-meaningful existence, blah, blah, blah. Who says we have to do more than just live. We are animals after all. Perhaps eating, drinking, sleeping, pissing, shitting and fucking is all it’s about. Perhaps if you are lucky, fortunate, otherwise blessed, you eat well, sleep well, shit well, and make love instead of just fucking. In the end it doesn’t really matter does it? 

Who will cry for you when you’re gone? Did your life mean anything to someone else? Did you give the world your best in little or big ways? Will you be remembered in the history books of humanity? Does that even matter…I guess in the end, whenever that will be, all we have is our honor and our memories (if age doesn’t rob you of them). 

We, I run around every day trying to keep all the balls in the air. Be the best mother, teacher, woman, human I can be. Is that it? Is that only it? Does anyone else care that somedays I hurt. Somedays I cry. Some days I feel alive inside and others like I’ve died. Does anyone care that I am sick of being alone. That I long for a good man to love? To be loved by a good man, a dream unfulfilled. I’ve had men, plenty of them. Most suck. My ex-husband certainly did. So did my father, my uncle, my other uncles and on and on. Let’s not forget the guys who cornered, belittled, discarded, and abused me-assholes, one and all.

I am on a rant and a roll. Life has taken its toll. I just want the simple things in life now. A good meal, a good bed, a view, a bank account with something in it for more than a day. A pen and paper with a good book to read. The love and laughter of good family and good friends. The rest just doesn’t matter. 

Would I like to change the world? Sure; Equality for all-it is easy. We are all the same race-human.

Mother Earth-SAVE her or we are all dead. Money-share the wealth assholes-WE are starving down here. Govern fairly and justly or just fairly govern…come on Congress-do something. Stop the stupid wars-nobody gives a shit what you think and who you pray to. Who cares who you love? As long as it is human, 18, and gives consent. Go fuck a can of cheese whiz for all I care. 

Get your laws off women’s bodies unless you want to regulate vasectomies. Like unwanted hands get your laws off my body. It is so simple people-live and let live. You do you to the best of your ability. Let me do the same.

I thought about my death this morning. Would anyone miss me? Did my life mean anything? Did it matter to anyone including myself? I thought back through my life to the people. People who loved me. People who have hurt me. People who have hated me. Did any of it matter. My existence only seemed to matter to a select handful of people. My Mother, My Children, My Friends, and Myself. Maybe that’s enough. I guess it will have to be. It’s all I have.